bar burrito... the one that almost did me in

I suppose I've been lucky thus far. Everyone has had a bad burrito adventure, but I've remained relatively unscathed. Until today - Bar Burrito. On Yonge, just north of Sheppard. It's big, it's clean, it's just not too good.

I should have clued in when I ordered. The fish would take 10 - 15 minutes, the steak and chicken mixes were already ready. The dog was tied up outside, I didn't want to wait, so a chicken and steak mix it would have to be.

My whole wheat tortilla went into the warmer, came out of the warmer, and the girl began slopping on random spoonfuls. My toppings came next - everything no green peppers, jalapenos are ok. Sauces good.

My next clue should have been when she wrapped the tortilla a little too hard and mushy rice and beans started showing through. She looked at it for a split second longer than she should have while deciding whether or not she should start the process over, decided not to, and plopped the monstrosity onto the grill. Great. Nice work ethic there, chick.

But I was feeling a little passive agressive. It was my first time at Bar Burrito, and I kinda knew that there would be a high possibility that I'd be blogging about it, and hey, it's the total experience that matters and not just the food itself. I grabbed my haphazardly wrapped up burrito and left expecting to return home with a pocketful of leaky burrito juice.

Up until that point, I hadn't been particularly impressed. The concept was a ripoff of another well known, established burrito joint downtown. At home, when I unwrapped my burrito, I thought the tides had turned. My meal hadn't leaked, the integrity of the tortilla was still intact, and minimal amounts of rice and beans had fallen out. Good sign.

Two bites in, I changed my mind again. Suddenly, my tongue was going to swell up in my mouth and death was imminently possible. I can take a lot of spice, but this was ridiculous. Maybe I had been slightly over ambitious when I asked her for hot sauce, but then again, who would have expected that they slice their jalapenos into half inch slices. Half inch slices... more than a centimeter of jalapeno in one bite. What the hell was the lazy ass dude with a knife thinking? Maybe I should go after them for attempted murder.

Things never got better beyond that point. The steak and the chicken were virtually indistinguishable from each other. Both were tough and tasted exactly the same to my pepper seared palate. And somehow, when I dissected the burrito to remove the offending jalapenos, I found three random corn kernels that didn't reappear anywhere else in my meal. Scary, but interesting... my Bar Burrito experience ended there.

I had been curious about this place for a while. Some people had raved about it, saying that they were going for twice-weekly burrito fixes. I have absolutely no idea what they were thinking - Burrito Boyz of the north, this is definitely not.

morning mates

Imagine... a bagel and a package of jam all in one handy-dandy package. Hell, don't even bother imagining it. It's a complete waste of your time.

What the heck was Dempster's thinking about when they put out this "innovation"? A bagel can be bought (freshly toasted, might I add) on practically any street corner of the city. Why would I need to buy one that's been sitting on the shelves for a few weeks, packed full of preservatives, and probably stale for that matter?

(Note: no one has dared to open the package as yet.)

It's great and all that they were handing them out at Union Station today, but really, the only people that should be in line for this are the people who can't afford to buy food, and even then, they'll get a better meal at the nearest soup kitchen.

Watch out for these at your neighbourhood grocery store. Watch them flop, and watch Dempster's parent (Maple Leaf foods) take a beating in their next quarter results.

Imagine that.

just because it's halloween...

... doesn't mean you can try to kill us.

Tastes like pumpkin flavoured sugar with a strange stale cookie crunch. Feels like you're biting into a mouthful of plasticine. The orange icing looks a lot like plasticine.

'nuff said.

Hurts me that I bought one when they were giving them away free at the counter.

tastes like crap, but comes with a SPORK

Ramen. Gotta love it.

Chef Woo^TM. Gotta hate it.

Baked, not fried (chant with me, people...ohm...), the baking process seems to have taken out all the taste and comfort of good ol' fashioned ramen noodles. All that's left is the msg "chicken" (aka salt) flavoured broth, a lot of dehydrated/rehydrated carrots that make it look healthier than it really is, and noodles that never get beyond chewy. Two bites of noodle, and a bit of broth was all I could muster.

At 190 calories for half a bowl, it's a waste of calories. Give me half a pack of Nong Shim^TM Shinramyun instead and I'm much better off. It's a few more calories and probably a lot more grams of fat, but definitely worth the extra 15 minutes on the treadmill.

Someone warned me once about these. Maybe I should have listened.

Only redeeming factor: comes with a spork... and sporks are cool